Potato and Rice

Potato and Rice Hit the Bigtime!

2010-02-01T15:15:00.000-08:00

So, the fact of the matter is, Potato and Rice couples are so trendy, that Potato and Rice themselves cannot go anywhere out in public without running into another "us" couple. Potato and Rice couples are everywhere on television, and even children are getting into the act.

Publish Post

But, yet so far, the general public has yet to fully embrace the growing ubiquitousness of Potato and Rice couples. Wait no more America! As of January 31, 2010, Potato and Rice have hit the Bigtime! On the latest episode of the highly popular series _The Simpsons_, "Million Dollar Maybe", a couple is being married in the beginning of the episode. Yes you guessed it, it is a Potato and Rice couple! Potato and Rice muse that if anyone gets a mention on _The Simpsons_ it is surely a sign of permanent pop culture status! Rejoice!

P.S. Perhaps the writers of _The Simpsons_ saw this post?

Potato and Rice Go Holiday Shopping

2010-01-04T16:09:00.000-08:00

It is indeed that time of year again. Due to a recent move of dwellings

Potato and Rice have been severely behind on their
Christmas shopping for the year. It was decided that gifts for certain
nieces and nephews had to be made on a Saturday afternoon at a
local Toys 'R' Us. Normally Potato and Rice shun crowds, especially
crowds of poorly behaved adults shoving their way through aisles
knocking over displays and then turning to see if anyone noticed
then walking away. But it being the Christmas season and all
Potato and Rice braved their way to the store. Of course, the
store was crowded. Potato and Rice could not decide which line
was longer, the line for returns (yes, even before Christmas) or
the line for checkout.

Potato and Rice made it over to the games area. There, were
old standbys such as "Ants in the Pants", "Operation", "Chutes and Ladders".
In browsing through this section, deciding on what to purchase
Potato and Rice noticed one game which was flat on the shelf. In righting
the item up, Rice notices the back picture of the game. It indeed had
two children enjoying themselves, playing the game. Ah, but not so fast!
Upon closer inspection, the two children were a young Potato and Rice
couple themselves. Of course Potato and Rice do not believe the
children were actually an "item", but mere "good friends" enjoying
the fun of playing a game together.

Potato and Rice couples are not only trendy adult couples, but now
socially acceptable child pairings as well. Potato and Rice mused that
it perhaps is the only "diverse" male/female pairing of children they
would ever see on a game box.

Happiness is a Snack Chip

2009-05-01T19:13:00.000-07:00

Recently, Potato and Rice went shopping for...adult beverages. While in the store, Potato had an epiphany of sorts. Potato and Rice call these moments "impulse buys". Potato places a bag of snack chips into the basket. Potato and Rice pay for their purchases, and head home.

Whenever there is a purchase of food or food related items, Rice unpacks and usually shoos Potato out of the way. This is Potato's way of helping best, by the way. So, Rice unpacks the beverages and places the bag of chips on the counter. Rice well knows that once she leaves the kitchen, it is Potato's signal that he once again can come into the kitchen without incurring Rice's "shoo shoo"-ing. Potato finds the bag of chips and settles down on the couch.

Rice, of course, is oh so curious about what exactly did Potato "impulse buy". It appears to be a bag of potato chips, salt and vinegar flavor. Potato takes a chip and chews on it thoughtfully. Rice watches the expression go from "curious" to "interesting" to "better have another to make sure" Potato seems to like the chips well enough, so Rice goes ahead and tries one. These are not potato chips at all. They, are in fact, PopChips. According to the package, they are neither baked or fried, but subjected to heat and pressure which causes the chips to "pop". Sort of a cross between a Pringles chip and popcorn. They are pretty good, by the way.

So, Rice starts reading the ingredients. Of course, the first ingredient is potatoes. But, down the list is rice flour. Apparently, the rice flour is used in the seasoning somehow. This leads to the following exchange :

Rice : Hey Potato! These chips are just like real life!

Potato : What? (incredulous look)

Rice : See, the RICE flour is part of the seasoning.

Therefore, you would just be plain and boring

Potato if you didn't have some spice in your life!

Potato : Oh Yeah? That also means that POTATO

is your backbone, your reason for being!

Now, who knew that snack chips were so prophetic?

Chips from Potatoes and Potatoes from Chips

2009-01-28T20:14:00.000-08:00

So, many of you Rice-like gals out there are probably wondering to yourself, “How can we find a Potato of our own?” The answer, surprisingly, is easier than you think.

One day, Potato and Rice were out running errands. They had to stop by a drugstore to pick up a few things. While hunting and gathering through the store, they passed by a well dressed Rice-like young woman who was simultaneously juggling an armful of snacks, and talking on her cell phone at the same time. Potato and Rice gave each other the “Kids these days” look.

After the hunting and gathering was done, Potato and Rice put their items on the checkout line. As soon as Potato noticed a glint of snack chips, he asked Rice to put down the “order separator” bar to make room. As soon as the bar went down, so did a mountain of snack chips. There must have been at least 10 bags of various types of chips. And in the middle of this mountain of deep fried goodness? A large bottle of soda. Yes, it did indeed belong to the young woman Potato and Rice passed in the store.

Potato : (glances at woman) “Looks like someone’s having a party”

Woman : “Oh yeah, chips and soda…only the healthiest of foods”

Potato : (looking over the mountain) “Yeah…let’s go with that…MMm…Funyuns!”

Woman : (giggling) “Really? Are they that good?”

Potato : “I like Funyuns”

Woman : “Really? Wow…maybe I should get some more”

The woman then leaves the line and goes back into the snack aisle for more Funyuns.

Later, Potato and Rice have analyze the event.

Potato : “Where do you think she was going with all those chips? “

Rice : “I don’t know… maybe she was going to a party and someone called for a chip run”

Potato : “..and soda too. Why wouldn’t they just get a couple of large bags?” (pauses) “Is getting all those chips her way of making sure everyone gets what they want?”

Rice : “That does sound like my people”

Potato : (chuckling – Potato always chuckles when he has something clever up his sleeve ---) “Maybe she wanted to see what would attract a Potato”

Rice : “And you did influence her decision to get more Funyuns”

Potato : (enthusiastic chuckling) “Yeah, like she’s going to go out and start sprinkling Funyuns out on her lawn to see who shows up”

Rice : “Like you?”

Potato : (innocent look)

To this day, Potato comes home and has this sad puppy dog look on his face and says “Awww…no Funyuns on the lawn.”

Rice just sighs.

Potato and Rice go to the Airport

2008-07-27T07:11:00.001-07:00

Every now and then, Potato and Rice go on vacation. Yes yes, even hard working Potatoes and Rices need to take time away from it all.

As fate would have it, Potato and Rice decided to take a few days in Las Vegas, again.

So, dutifully, they found the line for security and after some guffawing over people who were confused/never boarded an airplane after 9/11, made it through with no major mishaps.

As Potato and Rice got closer to their gate, they saw the flight was pretty crowded. They did arrive at the gate, after all, 45 minutes before scheduled boarding time. There were no seats in the gate area open. So, naturally, Potato and Rice found a nice quiet area near the end of some pay telephones. (no, really, they were actual pay telephone booths - you youngin's do not know they joy of having spare change on hand, "just in case")

Potato and Rice waited for the boarding to begin. As we watched others scurrying past our gate, they noticed another Potato and Rice couple coming their way. Potato and Rice both gave each other the "there's another us" look. Mind you, this is usually closely followed by Potato pointing out the fact that before the coming of Rice, his facial hair used to be brown and not gray. Potato usually has to suppress the natural instinct of saving his fellow Potatoes - rushing over to the other Potato and explaining how much he will age if Rice gets a hold of him.

Anyway, Potato and Rice noticed the other couple was checking their boarding passes against the gate number, and sure enough, they were going to Las Vegas as well. The other couple too noticed that there were no places to sit. They looked around, and even though there were plenty of other places to stand, they noticed Potato and Rice and stood right next to them.

Potato and Rice could not help but notice that they had started some sort of "Potato and Rice" waiting area.

Potato and Rice = Corporate Shills

2008-06-22T21:51:00.000-07:00

So, recently, Potato and Rice have noticed that their type of relationship is getting trendier and trendier.

There are now four (count them FOUR) commercials playing on television showing couples that are Potato and Rice-like.

#1 Volkswagon - Oh, you know the one. There's a Potato showing off the new car he wants to buy and 'lo and behold, his Rice is all impressed. But then, some guy keeps beeping the alarm making our poor couple back off. A real Potato wouldn't drive a Volkswagon, nor try to impress his Rice with it.

#2 Volvo - There are people circling a new Volvo, pretty much representing a cross section of society. There's of course, a Potato and Rice, looking like they're just married and in the market for "their first" car. Hah...Potato and Rice don't buy a car together, they drive their own.

#3 eHarmony - The Rice is interviewed, and she goes on and on about how great a website it is, and how grateful she is to have found her "soulmate". What!? She went out and sought a Potato? It doesn't work that way...A Potato chooses his Rice, not the other way around.

#4 McDonald's - The new "two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles on a sesame seed bun" relaunch, but with a HipHop attitude. There are several people enjoying a Big Mac, including a Potato while the Rice looks on, sipping happily on her drink. This particular commercial seals the trendiness of Potato and Rice. We've successfully infiltrated all aspects of popular culture, including HipHop. Woo Hoo!

Mothers in Law Part II - Potato's Mother in Law

2008-04-12T18:48:00.001-07:00

Now, Potato's Mother in Law, is of course the Mother Rice. Rice, being Asian, has your typical Asian mother/daughter discourse - Nothing the daughter does is ever good enough, and Potato knows this. Potato in fact, in his own Potato-y way, pokes fun at Rice using her relationship with Mother Rice.

For example, a while ago, Potato and Rice had dinner with Rice's family, including parents and Rice's brother and significant other. This is, of course, the first time Brother Rice's SO has come to a Rice family outing, but alas, that is another story. So, we all decide to meet at a restaurant and Potato and Rice arrive a solid fifteen minutes early in order to drink as many gin based drinks as is possible in fifteen minutes. The rest of the family arrives and we are seated at a round table for eight. Rice and Brother Rice sit, ironically, farthest away their parents, using Potato and Brother Rice's partner as buffers between their parents. Potato ends up sitting next to Mother Rice.

During the meal, Mother Rice strikes up conversation with Potato.

Mother Rice : "How are you Potato?"

Potato : "I'm doing just great."

Mother Rice : "I want to make sure Rice is cooking for you."

Potato : "Oh there's nothing to worry about there. Rice
cooks about three times a week."

Potato : (snickering at Rice)

Rice : "Gee mom, thanks."

Mother Rice : "It's very important that you cook for Potato. You have to take care of him."

Rice : "Yes, mother"

Potato : (controlled outburst of laughter)

Ever since this moment, Potato never misses an opportunity to play the "Mother Rice" card.

Rice : "What do you feel like having for dinner?"

Potato : "I dunno...what are you cooking?"

Rice : "Well, I was thinking of maybe getting some Chinese take-out"

Potato : "Take out?? What would your mother think if she heard this?"

Rice : (feels 4000 years of guilt) "Fine fine...I'll cook something..."

Potato : (snickering) "Chinese take-out is fine"

Mothers in Law Part I - Rice's Mother in Law

2008-04-12T18:12:00.000-07:00

Rice has a Mother in Law. Rice is, of course, ever so grateful to her Mother in Law, as there would be no Potato without a Mother Potato. Potato of course, never misses an opportunity to poke fun at Rice, using Mother Potato as the delivery vehicle.

Perhaps you have all seen on television the infomercial about the pot whose lid has a built in strainer. The infomercial is pretty typical ; scenes of the harried housewife struggling to strain her spaghetti into a colander, spilling her family's entire dinner into the sink, rendering it inedible. Then, amazingly, she gets the strainer pot, and lo and behold! She's a gourmet chef! Perfectly cooked pasta, garnished even better than Emeril himself. The infomercial goes on to show the various sizes of pots, with perfectly cooked meals and desserts in the background. Really now, if you can't even pour a pot of spaghetti into a colander without spilling it, how does getting a pot with a strainer lid make you a master baker as found in a patisserie?

So anyway, Rice always bags on infomercials like this, as she well knows it's quite the pain in the butt to cook anything, let alone a gourmet meal, plus dessert.

Potato : "What are we having for dinner?"

Rice : "I dunno, leftovers I suppose."

Potato : "Leftovers? Aww...."

Rice : "Gee, if I had a strainer pot, I could cook you a proper meal..."

Potato : "Yeah, and bake me a cake too!"

Much later, Potato is visiting his folks. Mother Potato is cooking spaghetti and meatballs. Potato asks if he can help, and Mother Potato asks him to drain the pasta. And if out of sheer coincidence, the pasta is boiling away, in yes, you guess it, a strainer pot. Potato can't help but laugh heartily. Mother Potato asks Potato what is so funny and Potato has to explain :

"Hee hee, Rice and I always see these on TV. Rice says it makes you into a gourmet chef if you have one."

Mother Potato : "Well, I like it, it's convenient"

Weeks later, Rice and Potato are at Potato's folks' house for dinner.

Mother Potato : "Hi Rice!"

Rice : "Hi Mother Potato!"

Mother Potato : "Hey Rice! Did you see my new pot?"

Rice (always fascinated by modern cookware) : "New? Cool! Where?"

Mother Potato : "It's on the stove!"

And, wouldn't you know it...it's a strainer pot.

Rice : "Ah, I've seen these on TV...."

Mother Potato : "Potato says you don't really care for them..."

Rice (now tasting her foot, looking over at a obviously amused Potato) : "Well, if it works for you..."

Potato : (Snickering)

Potato and Rice get Pulled Over

2008-03-29T21:29:00.000-07:00

Potato and Rice like to ride motorcycles. Both have been riding for quite a number of years now. Many years ago, early in Potato's riding career, he had a "small beginner's" bike. Rice had just bought a new bike herself, a "rice rocket" of course. Anyway, we both believe in safety first, this means riding pants, jackets, gloves, over the ankle boots and full face helmets. We also are both graduates of a motorcycle safety school. In fact, at the time, Rice was an instructor at one of the local safety schools. Perhaps you, the gentle reader has seen motorcyclists out there who do not take all the safety precautions that Potato and Rice observe. These people are known in the motorcycle community as "squids".

One day while riding in the local area, Potato and Rice saw many of squids out, two in fact were doing donuts on the road, and seemed to be waiting for others. Potato and Rice assume that the ones they were waiting for were the ones that a local PD had already pulled over.

Anyway, on the way home, Potato and Rice were riding down a main artery of the city and and made a right onto the major cross street near the Potato Patty. (that's Potato and Rice's house) Heading the opposite way was a local motorcycle officer who promptly made a left in front of Potato and Rice, and then a U-turn so that he was now facing the same direction as Potato and Rice. Rice knew right away as soon as the light turned green, Potato and Rice would be pulled over. Sure enough, the officer motioned for Potato and Rice to pull into a nearby office building's parking lot.

The officer asked Potato and Rice if they were riding with others, and both said no. The officer explained that there was a group of four or fiver riders doing stoppies and wheelies on the side streets nearby. Apparently, two had been caught, and other officers were looking for the others.

By now, another officer had arrived confirming the description of the two that got away :
"Riding blue sportbikes... Red jacket, multi color helmets" Potato and Rice looked at each other, and damn, they sure matched the description dead on. The First officer asked for ID, which Potato and Rice gave and was impressed that both Potato and Rice had "Mary One" license endorsements. By now, the Second officer had left, and another one showed up about 5 minutes later. During this time, the First officer was still trying to ascertain if Potato and Rice were the ones that the were looking for. He asked again, if we were doing wheelies and stoppies. Potato chuckled, and stated "I'm a 200 pound guy on a little 500cc bike, I don't think it's possible. In fact, if I could, I should get a medal...not a ticket." Rice then stated "I can't do those...I'm an Instructor for the MSF"

By now, the First officer was pretty sure that Potato and Ricer were not the ones the police were looking for. A Third officer showed up, since he was the one who gave the descriptions of the squids who got away. He didn't think Potato and Ricer were the right ones - and this was yet later confirmed by a fourth cop who had pulled two of the four missing squids over. The fourth cop asked (over the radio, to the Third officer) how old Potato and Rice appeared to be. The Third officer laughed and said (off radio, to Potato and Rice) "I don't want to sound insulting o you folks, but (gets back on the radio) "Oh yeah, they're OLD"...male, 30's, female 30's" The First officer then shook our hands and thanked Potato and Ricer for their cooperation. Great, so we're now officially old people; a Potato with sprouts coming from the eyes and dried up Rice.

Nonethless Potato and Rice were quite impressed by the level of courtesy extended by the officers that day. They were professional and very pleasant. To this day, whenever Potato and Rice pass the area where they got pulled over, they get a good laugh out of it. The typical conversation goes :

"That's where you got us pulled over!"

"No, that's where YOU got us pulled over!"

etc.

Rice goes to the grocery store

2007-10-04T16:28:00.000-07:00

Where Potato and Rice dwell, there was an old, empty grocery store. It had been empty for years. Recently, however, it was taken over by a well known Asian grocery chain. Rice could not hardly contain herself when she found out that a store for her people was opening up in the neighborhood. So called "Asian" items in a regular grocery store just aren't the same as the real thing. (sorry LaChoy and Chun King)
Real Asian items have to mellow on the shelves of a store that smells like fresh fish. It's supposed to be that way. Really.

Anyway, Rice had to wait about a month to go to the store. Why? Pretty much every Asian citizen within a 50 mile radius went to the store as soon as it opened. All the parking spots were taken. As sad as it is for Rice to admit, her people are well, automobileoperating challenged. People were waiting ten minutes, blocking the thoroughfare, just to get a spot 10 feet closer to the entrance. Not only that, some people couldn't back their Toyota Camrys out of a spot without doing a forty point turn. People were starting to park across the street and walking to the store. And, if some of those people walked across a busy street like they drove, it was a good thing they parked across the street.

Finally, the day had arrived. Rice was able to go to the store. Instantly, the sound of Chinese (Mandarin and Cantonese mostly) filled the air. Rice noticed the rows of cash registers. All the checkout girls and their customers were conversing with amazing speed. Then, was that right? Rice hears English. She quickly scans the area, and 'lo and behold, at the very end of the checkout row was an older Caucasian woman. Perhaps she worked at the store before it was taken over. Interesting, Rice thinks. Then she notices the smell of daikon radish and Napa cabbage in the produce area. The endless variations of tofu. The bizarre snack aisle, including dried squid and cuttlefish and Rice's favorite : preserved plums. (don't mention preserved plums around Potato...you were warned) The store even had a hot and cold deli section. No visit to a Asian grocery store is complete without saying "hi" to all the poor hanging, recently Peking'ed, ducks. And of course, the fresh seafood section. Ah, the large tanks of fish, lobsters and crabs. Don't forget the other fish, sitting on ice right there in front - not behind glass. Pick the one you want, have it wrapped up in paper, and you're on your way!

So, Rice picks up the items she was looking for : cooking wine and some stir fry sauces, a couple of deli items (pork buns and plain steamed buns) and (shhh! Don't tell Potato!) a bag of preserved plums. While wandering around the store, Rice notices that there are a couple of Potato's people in the store, apparently only buying things that came in clear packages, or had labels in English. Rice pays for her groceries and heads out. Just upon exiting, she glances back at the lone Caucasian checker. The only people in her line were indeed the only Caucasians shopping in the store. Coincidence?

Potato and Rice get Simpsonized

2007-08-05T11:42:00.001-07:00

After days of resisting, Potato and Rice have succumbed to the the power of advertising and the need to be trendy.

We Simpsonized ourselves in front of Moe's Tavern. If you haven't done it yet, it's a pretty neat site. Thought the only caveat we have is that you have to wait like 10 minutes for the process to run, and that's even if you can get on the site.

Potato and Rice Dogsit

2007-07-23T20:22:00.000-07:00

Potato's parents have a nice 11 year old dog, who's half-chocolate Lab and half-Shar Pei. He looks like a lab, but has some loose skin around the jowls and a spotted tongue. He's a very friendly and playful dog.

When Potato and Rice visit Potato's parents, the dog knows who give him the most attention upon visiting, Rice. Rice loves the dog, as she had never owned a dog in the past. The dog spends most of the time on his back, enjoying all the tummy rubs Rice gives him.

One time visiting, the dog had a small scratch on his nose and some minor damage to his tail. Potato's parents were on a four day trip to the East Coast, and placed the dog in a kennel.
Potato and Rice offered to dog sit next time they were going to be out of town.

So, recently, Potato's parents went away on a 10 day trip to the Motherland of the Potato, Ireland. Potato and Rice picked up the dog and wished Potato's parents a good trip.

Now, having a dog in the house is something new. Rice owns two cats, so the cats needed to be placed in their own room. The cats immediately knew something was up as there was a large brown sniffing machine outside their door. They sought higher ground and pretty much stayed there for 10 days.

Rice had ordered some items online and was expecting delivery. It is customary for our letter carrier to knock on the door when packages were left on the doorstep. Rice and the dog were hanging out one afternoon and there was a knock at the door. Rice thought "Ah, my packages" and went to open the door to retrieve them. The dog followed Rice to the door, as he does around the house. When she opened the door, the dog immediately started barking. There were no packages at the door, but two Mormons on their mission. Apparently, one fellow was scared of the dog, as he didn't say anything the whole time this conversation took place :

Dog : bark bark bark! (probably thinking "Hey! You're not Rice's packages!")

Mormon : Hello! I'm Elder so and so and this is Elder so and so.

Rice : Hello there!

Mormon : Well, we were walking through your neighborhood today ...

Dog : bark bark! Grrr! ("You're scaring away the deliveryman!")

Now Rice is non-religious, though knows the basics of pretty much all the world's religions. Potato's family is Catholic.

Rice : Ah, I see you're carrying a Book of Mormon, the revelations to Joseph Smith?

Mormon : I see you're familiar with it.

Dog : Grrr! bark bark! ("Didn't you hear me the first time?")

Rice : Well, not really, I know the basics.

Mormon : It's never to late to learn more about it, you know we could ...

At this point, Rice slightly loosens her grip on the dog's collar, causing him to jump slightly
and show off his teeth a little.

Dog : GRRRRR! bark! ("OK! I mean business!")

Rice : That would be interesting, but I don't think the dog would like it. He is a Catholic dog after all...

Mormon : Oh well, we should leave then.

Rice : Thanks for coming by.

Rice (to dog) : That's a good boy! (rubs dog's tummy)

Dog : (happy dog sounds)

Rice now has a greater appreciation of just how intelligent dogs are. Who would have known that dogs can tell the difference between deliverymen and not?

Potato's Birthday Dinner

2007-07-14T14:38:00.000-07:00

One of the things that Rice had to learn about Potato's family is that birthdays are a pretty big deal. Well, a big deal from Rice's perspective. The entire Potato patch celebrates birthdays together. Usually, the family gathers for dinner out a restaurant, and then retire to Potato's parents house for cake and presents. And, yes, we all do sing "Happy Birthday".

Anyway, one of the popular choices for dinner (especially when it is Potato's birthday) is a local Japanese Teppanyaki place, you know, where they cook in front of you. The restaurant is pretty crowded, as they give the birthday boy or girl a free dinner. So, it's likely that if you go, you'll be sitting at a table with people celebrating a birthday. Luckily, the Potato patch takes up a whole table.

Indeed, on Potato's birthday, we venture out to the local Japanese Teppanyaki place. (as a side note, we have been going there for Potato's birthday as long as we've been together) We get our table, and our orders are taken. Having been exposed to many of Potato's kind before, Rice was not surprised when most of the Potato patch orders fried rice with their dinner. That is, all except for Potato's dad (Potato Sr.) and Potato himself. Rice would like to take credit for Potato not ordering fried rice, but she can't. It's a Potato thing.

Rice (to Potato Sr.) : I see you ordered plain white rice.

Potato Sr. : Yeah, I like it.

Rice : That's good to know...Four thousand years of culture prevents me from ordering fried rice.

So our cook comes out, introduces himself, goes over everyone's order. He starts his show, juggling his utensils, banging out some sort of rhythm with the salt shaker and spatula, etc. He did however, make a small volcano out of onion slices, filling it with alcohol and then setting it ablaze. It was pretty cool...really.

Eight bowls of rice as brought out, and the cook checks his list. He looks around the table and confirms each person who ordered fried rice and then proceeds to prepare the fried rice. A waitress comes over and delivers the three bowls of steamed rice to Potato, Potato Sr. and Rice.

As Rice and Potato are separating and smoothing out their chopsticks, Rice glances over at Potato Sr. He's not separating his chopsticks, nor is he reaching for a fork. Instead, he starts pouring soy sauce over his rice. At which point the following conversation takes place :

Potato Sr. (noticing Rice looking at him) : "Uh oh! I've been caught!"

Now, Rice has every right to be somewhat tweaked. This is the food of her people, being tainted with soy sauce. It's rice! It's supposed to be plain! But then again, Rice realizes, Potato Sr. is an elder, and therefore must be treated with utmost respect, and on top of that Potato Sr. has lived through a lot. He's had a couple of organ transplants, so whatever Potato Sr. wants, that's good enough for Rice.

Rice : "Oh that's ok, I've seen it before"

Potato Sr. : "You know, I just like soy sauce on rice"

So, the next year, we all go to the Japanese Teppanyaki place again for Potato's birthday. As we get our bowls of rice, Potato Sr. decides to be a little sneaky :

Potato's Mother to Potato Sr. : "What are you going there hon?"

Potato Sr. (trying to hide his rice bowl being a post) : "Nothing"

Rice, now looking over at Potato Sr.

Potato Sr. : "Uh...better look away Rice!"

Rice : "Why is that?" (Potato Sr. now reaching for soy sauce) "Oh!" (Rice cover eyes)

Potato Sr. : "All done!"

Is there any wonder where Potato gets his charm and consideration from?

Potato and Rice go to a Restaurant

2007-06-18T09:41:00.000-07:00

So every now and then, we like to go to a restaurant. Yes yes, Rice shirks her traditional Chinese wife-ly duties and slacks. Besides, it's a way for Potato to show his appreciation of the other days of the week when Rice does cook.

Shockingly, we both like to eat Chinese food. Trouble is, where we live, there are not many "good" Chinese restaurants to choose from. For those of you out there, Panda Express is NOT "good" Chinese food. Rice once came up with this analogy : Panda Express is to Chinese food as Taco Bell is to Mexican.

Many of the Chinese restaurants in the town where we live still use MSG. Ugh! The stuff gives both Potato and Rice incredible headaches. Finally, doing some searching (like on Yelp) and asking around, we found a nice place nearby. According to the various newspaper articles in the restaurant lobby, it is a "one of a kind" building. That is, when it was built, it was built to be the restaurant it is today. It's not a Chinese Restaurant that used to be a Denny's, which was a Season's, which was a Sambo's type of thing. (Speaking of which, on Potato's list of things to do while retired is to create a photo essay of things that used to be other things, like a florist that used to be a Taco Bell, paint store that used to be a KFC, etc.)

Anyway, there are good signs right there in the restaurant lobby. There are several large aquariums, holding fish, lobsters and crabs, all in their separate tanks. There's a nice banquet hall off to the side as well.

After about a two minute wait, the hostess leads us to our seats. Now, when we first enter the dining area, we feel comfortable with our choice of restaurants, as all the patrons in the dining area are Chinese. This, as we all know, is a sign of a good restaurant.

Potato : Well, this is a good sign.

Rice : Indeed, I wonder if I should ask the waitress for the "real" menu.

Potato : Do you have to give her a secret handshake or something?

Now, as we get closer to our sets, we can tell that the dining area is quite large. There area is divided approximately in half, by folding screens. You know the kind, painted black lacquer-y, with Chinese-y decor. The room divider could lovingly be called the "Great Wall of China". There seemed to be two seating areas, one side of the "Wall" were for people like Rice, and the other side were for people like Potato.

As we get to an area of empty tables, still on the "Chinese half", the hostess was confused and was struggling in her mind on where to seat us. So she had a wise idea to seat us in the middle. She then decides to sit us at a table right next to the partition. So, as we sit, all Potato can see are Chinese people, and all Rice can see are Caucasians. Satisfied with her solution, the hostess leaves to get us water and tea.

Then Potato has an epiphany. He notes that the table we're at seems to be the end table of a modular buffet table.

Rice : And?

Potato : Well, check out your side of the table.

Rice : Uh, it looks like it fits into another table?

Potato : And now look at my side.

Rice : It's the end?

Potato : Rounded Corners! You know for the round eye? (gestures, draws circle around his eye)

Rice : Oh! Yeah, well, we think that your people might hurt themselves on a corner...

Potato : "Should ask for some safety chop sticks, you know, sort of like a spork? Only Chinese style."

Rice : (thinking to herself) "You gotta love this man"

Potato spent the rest of the evening alternately gesturing about the rounded corner, and circling his eye with his index finger.

Oh, by the way, the food was pretty good too.

Potato scares Rice's Parents via Telephone

2007-06-08T12:22:00.000-07:00

One fine evening, Potato and Rice were enjoying a nice dinner at Rice's house. In the middle of dinner, Rice's phone rings.

Rice: "Hello? Hel-lo? "

Potato puts down his fork (please note not a spork) in curiosity.

Rice: "Look - I can't understand you…. "

Potato to Rice : "What was that about? "

Rice : "Someone speaking a language I couldn't understand. Clearly a wrong number. "

We go back to having a pleasant dinner when the phone rings again.

Rice : "That better not be the same person or else..." (shaking fist in anger)

Rice picks up the phone: "Hello? Look, you have the WRONG number. I can't understand you. "

Then Rice hangs up the phone in disgust.

Rice to Potato: "Dang people. I hate it when people call me and can't even speak English. You can't even tell them they have the wrong number. I bet they understand though. "

Potato to Rice: "Mmmm mmm. Yeah, well I just hope they are not calling because you are a girl and it's not some freaky phone call. "

So, about 5 minutes later the phone rings again.

Rice : (muttering all sorts of words that would make any sailor blush)

This is when Potato's protective instincts kick in. Potato leaps up and darts to the phone.
Potato thinks to himself, no one is going to hassle my (then) girlfriend. I'll show them… I'll give my deep scary Potato voice and they won't call back ever.

Potato picks up the phone and in his deep, forceful voice like a drill sergeant (think R. Lee Ermey in Full Metal Jacket) gruffly says "Hello!" into the phone. There is a pause and then Potato hears a small voice in the background - "um Hello, may I speak to Rice?"

It was Rice's father.

Potato thinks quickly and readjusts his voice to the normal soft and soothing tone it normally is. "oh, hi, sorry about that… sure… here she is" and hands the phone to Rice who is fighting back laughter when she hears her dad's voice.

After the conversation with her dad ended, Rice just sort of smiled at Potato knowing that he was sort of embarrassed about what just happened. Potato just laughed with the realization that maybe Rice's parents were right… Potatoes can be scary!

Rice confuses shoe clerk

2007-06-06T08:54:00.000-07:00

Rice has feet shaped like a duck, just without the webbing. They're pretty darn wide, making it practically impossible to find nice shoes at your typical shoe store or department. Though, Rice would say it is a blessing in disguise, for she has reason to believe she carries the "ImeldaMarcosTooManyShoes"-gene.

Anyway, thanks to the wonderful world of the Internet, Rice found a shoe store especially for people with wide feet, Leonard's Wide Shoes. The store has a very good selection of shoes for men and women. They are located in Las Vegas, NV.

As luck would have it, we visit Vegas about four times a year, usually staying at the MGM Grand. We like it because you don't have to drive the Strip in order to get back to the hotel. Plus, the MGM is home to the best steakhouse we've ever been to, CraftSteak.

Using GoogleMaps, we found that the shoe store is within walking distance of the MGM. Rice absolutely had to go, if not for anything, just to marvel at all the pretty shoes she could actually get her waterfowl inspired feet into. (as a side note, keep watching this blog for Potato's adventure down the Strip in 115 degree weather)

We enter the shoe store, and Rice starts trying on shoes. As with most guys, Potato browsed the shoes in the men's section, finally deciding that the smart move would just be to sit down and wait. Rice is being helped by a nice curteous gentlemen, probably in his mid-40's. She finally decides on a pair of nice heeled sandals, and Potato joins her at the cash register.

Rice : "Thank you so much for helping me. I really love your store."

Clerk : "You're very welcome...Um, can I ask you something?"

Rice : (guarded) "Uh, sure you can ask"

Clerk : "Well, it's more of a statement. You know, we see a lot of Orientals here in Vegas..."

Rice : (nodding politely, trying not to roll her eyes)

Potato : (thinking) "Dude, don't say it! Don't say it!"

Clerk : "...and well, you speak English real good!"

Potato : (flashing back to a scene from Pulp Fiction where Vince and Jules are cleaning out
the back of the Nova and Jules is saying "...I'm a mushroom cloud laying
MotherF*cker, motherf*cker, I'm Superfly TNT, I'm the Guns of the Navarone!)

Potato : (thinking) "Dude, I told you not to say it! You're on your own, I'm outta here"

Potato : (looks to see if the shoe store has a fallout shelter of some sort)

Rice : (thinking) "What are my options here? Do I put on my teacher hat a respond "Yes, I do speak English well, but you don't seem to have mastered basic grammar"? Do I call the guy a ignorant idiot? Do I spin some outlandish tale about my father working as a counterespionage agent in China, and him being fluent in seven different languages, including English?"

Rice : "Well, thanks sir. I was born in this country."

Clerk : "Really? That explains it."

Potato : (looks to see if the bomb has dropped or not) "Ready to go sweetheart?"

Potato's first visit to the rice paddies

2007-05-21T13:59:00.001-07:00

So, eventually, Rice had to bring Potato to meet her parents. As, with any parental meeting, Rice was pretty nervous, but even more so because Potato was, well a Potato. Rice's parents are pretty darn traditional Chinese, though having lived in the United States for more than half their lives. Rice's parents had little contact with other potatoes, having no potatoes as friends. This is coupled with the fact that Rice's parents are notoriously critical of every one of her actions. Will they give her the disapproving "He's not Chinese" look? Or the "Are you doing this to drive us to an early grave" look?

Potato himself was pretty nervous. Of course, there's always the standard "meeting her parents" jitters. But this time it was compounded by the following conversation :

Potato : Do we need to bring anything? Side dish? Flowers?

Rice : No, my mom will cook everything. She doesn't do the flowers thing.

Potato : Oh, ok. Is there anything else you need to tell me?

Rice : Ummm...yeah, wear nice socks?

Potato : Socks?? (thinks for a moment) Ohhh! The take off shoes thing.

Rice : Yeah, pretty much.

Potato : Do they have to match? (snickers)

Now, Potato's a pretty big guy. He's 6', 200lbs. Rice's parents are not used to being so close to people that size, not to mention in their house. As Potato put it "Large white guy, running around the house with shoes on, looking for a fork" But, being the good natured guy he is, Potato made sure that when he spoke to Rice's parents, that he spoke in a gentle, quiet tone, careful not to make any sudden movements. Quite unexpectedly, Rice's mother was visibly uncomfortable. Aw, heck, she was downright scared. As Potato put it "Large white guy, running around the house with shoes on, looking for a fork" Luckily, Potato and Rice's dad are both engineers, so they had plenty to talk about.

It comes to dinner, and Rice's parents are showing where everyone should sit. Each place setting has a plate, a napkin and all but one had chopsticks. Gee, where should Potato sit? Not only did Potato (who is quite deft at using chopsticks) not get a set of chopsticks, nor did he even get a fork, but his place setting was complete with a SPORK! Yes, the same sporks you get from eating at Kentucky Fried Chicken when you get mashed potatoes and gravy. Hmmm...were Rice's parents being frugal or did they somehow know that sporks and potatoes go together? It is still a mystery yet to be solved.

Dinner items included Chinese fare, including some items that Rice had not eaten since she was a little girl. Indeed, it was a special occasion. So we're all sitting down, when Rice's mom suddenly realizes she has one more dish to bring out. She returns with a large CorningWare-like dish and makes room for it. This actually took some engineering, since the table was already full with more than eight dishes. She places the new item right in front of Potato. She opens up the cover, and lo' and behold - it was some sort of casserole! Oh, but not just any casserole! It was a broccoli and Cream of Mushroom soup casserole, right of the old Campbell's label itself. How could Potato not resist such a well prepared interpretation of his people's food?

Rice and Potato stared at each other for a moment, each of us thinking "White food for the white guy!" Potato did his best to be thankful. Rice's brother took a large helping of said casserole, to which he then exclaimed (in his, how should we say "fab-u-lous" way), "Well, mom, you don't have to make THIS again." Rice didn't even attempt to have any of the casserole. Potato leaned over to me and asked "Uh, your mom never made this before has she?"

Needless to say, Rice later assured her parents that they did not have to go out of the way to cook "Potato's food".

Rice is not vertically challenged

2007-05-13T14:40:00.000-07:00

To start, you must know that Rice stand 5' 7", more if in heels.

Early in our relationship, we took a train ride to old town Sacramento. We took Amtrak's Capital Corridor Express. The train ride itself was very nice - from the lush green pastures of the Central Valley to the crossing of the American River. The passengers on board were mostly older couples, we saw there were no other "us" couples however. There was a gentleman who had difficulty trying to keep his two children (who appeared to be 13 and 10) under control. Perhaps it was his technique - "Shh! Be quiet! Now, think of the scariest roller coaster you've been on" "Stop spinning that quarter on the table! Let me show you how to do it! " We still don't know.

Upon arrival, we checked our bags at our hotel, the Delta King. We decided to start our visit at the Railroad museum. The trains were great. Some of the old steam engine locomotives had boiler rooms larger than our bedroom. Anyway, the museum is full of retired people, all train buffs, acting as docents. One kind, elderly gentleman gave us the grand tour of a 40's dining car, and its adjacent sleeping car.

After the tour was over this is how the conversation went :

Docent (to Rice) - "Um, excuse me, but what are you?"

Rice - "I'm not sure what you mean, sir."

Docent - "Oh, well, we get lots of Asians coming through here...."

Rice - "Oh, I see...My parents are from Taiwan, so you could say I'm Chinese."

Docent - "Really? Wow...you're pretty tall for your people."

Rice - "Uh, yeah thanks."

Potato - (actively trying to decide whether or not to break out in laughter or
protect the docent from a possible smack down by Rice)

Docent - "I wonder why you're so much taller than the rest of your kind."

Rice - "Uh, it must be all those good ol' American vitamins I took as a child."

Docent - "Really? That does make quite a difference"

Potato - (now, deciding to stifle laughter)

Rice - "I guess so. Thank you for the tour."

We both thought the whole situation was quite humorous.

An Introduction

2007-05-11T18:01:00.000-07:00

Potato and I have noticed more and more couples like us everywhere we go. It's almost like a trend gone wild, nearing epic proportions. We decided to give those new "us" couples the benefit of our experience.

After all, you are GOING to get looks. People WILL look at you differently. Your families will be CONFUSED.

Most importantly, if you don't find yourself laughing at our experiences (we know we do), then you can always find yourself another blog.