Potato and Rice go to the Airport

Every now and then, Potato and Rice go on vacation. Yes yes, even hard working Potatoes and Rices need to take time away from it all.

As fate would have it, Potato and Rice decided to take a few days in Las Vegas, again.

So, dutifully, they found the line for security and after some guffawing over people who were confused/never boarded an airplane after 9/11, made it through with no major mishaps.

As Potato and Rice got closer to their gate, they saw the flight was pretty crowded. They did arrive at the gate, after all, 45 minutes before scheduled boarding time. There were no seats in the gate area open. So, naturally, Potato and Rice found a nice quiet area near the end of some pay telephones. (no, really, they were actual pay telephone booths - you youngin's do not know they joy of having spare change on hand, "just in case")

Potato and Rice waited for the boarding to begin. As we watched others scurrying past our gate, they noticed another Potato and Rice couple coming their way. Potato and Rice both gave each other the "there's another us" look. Mind you, this is usually closely followed by Potato pointing out the fact that before the coming of Rice, his facial hair used to be brown and not gray. Potato usually has to suppress the natural instinct of saving his fellow Potatoes - rushing over to the other Potato and explaining how much he will age if Rice gets a hold of him.

Anyway, Potato and Rice noticed the other couple was checking their boarding passes against the gate number, and sure enough, they were going to Las Vegas as well. The other couple too noticed that there were no places to sit. They looked around, and even though there were plenty of other places to stand, they noticed Potato and Rice and stood right next to them.

Potato and Rice could not help but notice that they had started some sort of "Potato and Rice" waiting area.

Potato and Rice = Corporate Shills

So, recently, Potato and Rice have noticed that their type of relationship is getting trendier and trendier.

There are now four (count them FOUR) commercials playing on television showing couples that are Potato and Rice-like.

#1 Volkswagon - Oh, you know the one. There's a Potato showing off the new car he wants to buy and 'lo and behold, his Rice is all impressed. But then, some guy keeps beeping the alarm making our poor couple back off. A real Potato wouldn't drive a Volkswagon, nor try to impress his Rice with it.

#2 Volvo - There are people circling a new Volvo, pretty much representing a cross section of society. There's of course, a Potato and Rice, looking like they're just married and in the market for "their first" car. Hah...Potato and Rice don't buy a car together, they drive their own.

#3 eHarmony - The Rice is interviewed, and she goes on and on about how great a website it is, and how grateful she is to have found her "soulmate". What!? She went out and sought a Potato? It doesn't work that way...A Potato chooses his Rice, not the other way around.

#4 McDonald's - The new "two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles on a sesame seed bun" relaunch, but with a HipHop attitude. There are several people enjoying a Big Mac, including a Potato while the Rice looks on, sipping happily on her drink. This particular commercial seals the trendiness of Potato and Rice. We've successfully infiltrated all aspects of popular culture, including HipHop. Woo Hoo!

Mothers in Law Part II - Potato's Mother in Law

Now, Potato's Mother in Law, is of course the Mother Rice. Rice, being Asian, has your typical Asian mother/daughter discourse - Nothing the daughter does is ever good enough, and Potato knows this. Potato in fact, in his own Potato-y way, pokes fun at Rice using her relationship with Mother Rice.

For example, a while ago, Potato and Rice had dinner with Rice's family, including parents and Rice's brother and significant other. This is, of course, the first time Brother Rice's SO has come to a Rice family outing, but alas, that is another story. So, we all decide to meet at a restaurant and Potato and Rice arrive a solid fifteen minutes early in order to drink as many gin based drinks as is possible in fifteen minutes. The rest of the family arrives and we are seated at a round table for eight. Rice and Brother Rice sit, ironically, farthest away their parents, using Potato and Brother Rice's partner as buffers between their parents. Potato ends up sitting next to Mother Rice.

During the meal, Mother Rice strikes up conversation with Potato.

Mother Rice : "How are you Potato?"

Potato : "I'm doing just great."

Mother Rice : "I want to make sure Rice is cooking for you."

Potato : "Oh there's nothing to worry about there. Rice
cooks about three times a week."

Potato : (snickering at Rice)

Rice : "Gee mom, thanks."

Mother Rice : "It's very important that you cook for Potato. You have to take care of him."

Rice : "Yes, mother"

Potato : (controlled outburst of laughter)

Ever since this moment, Potato never misses an opportunity to play the "Mother Rice" card.

Rice : "What do you feel like having for dinner?"

Potato : "I dunno...what are you cooking?"

Rice : "Well, I was thinking of maybe getting some Chinese take-out"

Potato : "Take out?? What would your mother think if she heard this?"

Rice : (feels 4000 years of guilt) "Fine fine...I'll cook something..."

Potato : (snickering) "Chinese take-out is fine"

Mothers in Law Part I - Rice's Mother in Law

Rice has a Mother in Law. Rice is, of course, ever so grateful to her Mother in Law, as there would be no Potato without a Mother Potato. Potato of course, never misses an opportunity to poke fun at Rice, using Mother Potato as the delivery vehicle.

Perhaps you have all seen on television the infomercial about the pot whose lid has a built in strainer. The infomercial is pretty typical ; scenes of the harried housewife struggling to strain her spaghetti into a colander, spilling her family's entire dinner into the sink, rendering it inedible. Then, amazingly, she gets the strainer pot, and lo and behold! She's a gourmet chef! Perfectly cooked pasta, garnished even better than Emeril himself. The infomercial goes on to show the various sizes of pots, with perfectly cooked meals and desserts in the background. Really now, if you can't even pour a pot of spaghetti into a colander without spilling it, how does getting a pot with a strainer lid make you a master baker as found in a patisserie?

So anyway, Rice always bags on infomercials like this, as she well knows it's quite the pain in the butt to cook anything, let alone a gourmet meal, plus dessert.

Potato : "What are we having for dinner?"

Rice : "I dunno, leftovers I suppose."

Potato : "Leftovers? Aww...."

Rice : "Gee, if I had a strainer pot, I could cook you a proper meal..."

Potato : "Yeah, and bake me a cake too!"

Much later, Potato is visiting his folks. Mother Potato is cooking spaghetti and meatballs. Potato asks if he can help, and Mother Potato asks him to drain the pasta. And if out of sheer coincidence, the pasta is boiling away, in yes, you guess it, a strainer pot. Potato can't help but laugh heartily. Mother Potato asks Potato what is so funny and Potato has to explain :

"Hee hee, Rice and I always see these on TV. Rice says it makes you into a gourmet chef if you have one."

Mother Potato : "Well, I like it, it's convenient"

Weeks later, Rice and Potato are at Potato's folks' house for dinner.

Mother Potato : "Hi Rice!"

Rice : "Hi Mother Potato!"

Mother Potato : "Hey Rice! Did you see my new pot?"

Rice (always fascinated by modern cookware) : "New? Cool! Where?"

Mother Potato : "It's on the stove!"

And, wouldn't you know it...it's a strainer pot.

Rice : "Ah, I've seen these on TV...."

Mother Potato : "Potato says you don't really care for them..."

Rice (now tasting her foot, looking over at a obviously amused Potato) : "Well, if it works for you..."

Potato : (Snickering)

Potato and Rice get Pulled Over

Potato and Rice like to ride motorcycles. Both have been riding for quite a number of years now. Many years ago, early in Potato's riding career, he had a "small beginner's" bike. Rice had just bought a new bike herself, a "rice rocket" of course. Anyway, we both believe in safety first, this means riding pants, jackets, gloves, over the ankle boots and full face helmets. We also are both graduates of a motorcycle safety school. In fact, at the time, Rice was an instructor at one of the local safety schools. Perhaps you, the gentle reader has seen motorcyclists out there who do not take all the safety precautions that Potato and Rice observe. These people are known in the motorcycle community as "squids".

One day while riding in the local area, Potato and Rice saw many of squids out, two in fact were doing donuts on the road, and seemed to be waiting for others. Potato and Rice assume that the ones they were waiting for were the ones that a local PD had already pulled over.

Anyway, on the way home, Potato and Rice were riding down a main artery of the city and and made a right onto the major cross street near the Potato Patty. (that's Potato and Rice's house) Heading the opposite way was a local motorcycle officer who promptly made a left in front of Potato and Rice, and then a U-turn so that he was now facing the same direction as Potato and Rice. Rice knew right away as soon as the light turned green, Potato and Rice would be pulled over. Sure enough, the officer motioned for Potato and Rice to pull into a nearby office building's parking lot.

The officer asked Potato and Rice if they were riding with others, and both said no. The officer explained that there was a group of four or fiver riders doing stoppies and wheelies on the side streets nearby. Apparently, two had been caught, and other officers were looking for the others.

By now, another officer had arrived confirming the description of the two that got away :
"Riding blue sportbikes... Red jacket, multi color helmets" Potato and Rice looked at each other, and damn, they sure matched the description dead on. The First officer asked for ID, which Potato and Rice gave and was impressed that both Potato and Rice had "Mary One" license endorsements. By now, the Second officer had left, and another one showed up about 5 minutes later. During this time, the First officer was still trying to ascertain if Potato and Rice were the ones that the were looking for. He asked again, if we were doing wheelies and stoppies. Potato chuckled, and stated "I'm a 200 pound guy on a little 500cc bike, I don't think it's possible. In fact, if I could, I should get a medal...not a ticket." Rice then stated "I can't do those...I'm an Instructor for the MSF"

By now, the First officer was pretty sure that Potato and Ricer were not the ones the police were looking for. A Third officer showed up, since he was the one who gave the descriptions of the squids who got away. He didn't think Potato and Ricer were the right ones - and this was yet later confirmed by a fourth cop who had pulled two of the four missing squids over. The fourth cop asked (over the radio, to the Third officer) how old Potato and Rice appeared to be. The Third officer laughed and said (off radio, to Potato and Rice) "I don't want to sound insulting o you folks, but (gets back on the radio) "Oh yeah, they're OLD"...male, 30's, female 30's" The First officer then shook our hands and thanked Potato and Ricer for their cooperation. Great, so we're now officially old people; a Potato with sprouts coming from the eyes and dried up Rice.

Nonethless Potato and Rice were quite impressed by the level of courtesy extended by the officers that day. They were professional and very pleasant. To this day, whenever Potato and Rice pass the area where they got pulled over, they get a good laugh out of it. The typical conversation goes :

"That's where you got us pulled over!"

"No, that's where YOU got us pulled over!"

etc.