Potato and Rice go to a Restaurant

So every now and then, we like to go to a restaurant. Yes yes, Rice shirks her traditional Chinese wife-ly duties and slacks. Besides, it's a way for Potato to show his appreciation of the other days of the week when Rice does cook.

Shockingly, we both like to eat Chinese food. Trouble is, where we live, there are not many "good" Chinese restaurants to choose from. For those of you out there, Panda Express is NOT "good" Chinese food. Rice once came up with this analogy : Panda Express is to Chinese food as Taco Bell is to Mexican.

Many of the Chinese restaurants in the town where we live still use MSG. Ugh! The stuff gives both Potato and Rice incredible headaches. Finally, doing some searching (like on Yelp) and asking around, we found a nice place nearby. According to the various newspaper articles in the restaurant lobby, it is a "one of a kind" building. That is, when it was built, it was built to be the restaurant it is today. It's not a Chinese Restaurant that used to be a Denny's, which was a Season's, which was a Sambo's type of thing. (Speaking of which, on Potato's list of things to do while retired is to create a photo essay of things that used to be other things, like a florist that used to be a Taco Bell, paint store that used to be a KFC, etc.)

Anyway, there are good signs right there in the restaurant lobby. There are several large aquariums, holding fish, lobsters and crabs, all in their separate tanks. There's a nice banquet hall off to the side as well.

After about a two minute wait, the hostess leads us to our seats. Now, when we first enter the dining area, we feel comfortable with our choice of restaurants, as all the patrons in the dining area are Chinese. This, as we all know, is a sign of a good restaurant.

Potato : Well, this is a good sign.

Rice : Indeed, I wonder if I should ask the waitress for the "real" menu.

Potato : Do you have to give her a secret handshake or something?


Now, as we get closer to our sets, we can tell that the dining area is quite large. There area is divided approximately in half, by folding screens. You know the kind, painted black lacquer-y, with Chinese-y decor. The room divider could lovingly be called the "Great Wall of China". There seemed to be two seating areas, one side of the "Wall" were for people like Rice, and the other side were for people like Potato.

As we get to an area of empty tables, still on the "Chinese half", the hostess was confused and was struggling in her mind on where to seat us. So she had a wise idea to seat us in the middle. She then decides to sit us at a table right next to the partition. So, as we sit, all Potato can see are Chinese people, and all Rice can see are Caucasians. Satisfied with her solution, the hostess leaves to get us water and tea.

Then Potato has an epiphany. He notes that the table we're at seems to be the end table of a modular buffet table.

Rice : And?

Potato : Well, check out your side of the table.

Rice : Uh, it looks like it fits into another table?

Potato : And now look at my side.

Rice : It's the end?

Potato : Rounded Corners! You know for the round eye? (gestures, draws circle around his eye)

Rice : Oh! Yeah, well, we think that your people might hurt themselves on a corner...

Potato : "Should ask for some safety chop sticks, you know, sort of like a spork? Only Chinese style."

Rice : (thinking to herself) "You gotta love this man"

Potato spent the rest of the evening alternately gesturing about the rounded corner, and circling his eye with his index finger.

Oh, by the way, the food was pretty good too.

Potato scares Rice's Parents via Telephone

One fine evening, Potato and Rice were enjoying a nice dinner at Rice's house. In the middle of dinner, Rice's phone rings.

Rice: "Hello? Hel-lo? "

Potato puts down his fork (please note not a spork) in curiosity.

Rice: "Look - I can't understand you…. "

Potato to Rice : "What was that about? "

Rice : "Someone speaking a language I couldn't understand. Clearly a wrong number. "

We go back to having a pleasant dinner when the phone rings again.

Rice : "That better not be the same person or else..." (shaking fist in anger)

Rice picks up the phone: "Hello? Look, you have the WRONG number. I can't understand you. "

Then Rice hangs up the phone in disgust.

Rice to Potato: "Dang people. I hate it when people call me and can't even speak English. You can't even tell them they have the wrong number. I bet they understand though. "

Potato to Rice: "Mmmm mmm. Yeah, well I just hope they are not calling because you are a girl and it's not some freaky phone call. "

So, about 5 minutes later the phone rings again.

Rice : (muttering all sorts of words that would make any sailor blush)

This is when Potato's protective instincts kick in. Potato leaps up and darts to the phone.
Potato thinks to himself, no one is going to hassle my (then) girlfriend. I'll show them… I'll give my deep scary Potato voice and they won't call back ever.

Potato picks up the phone and in his deep, forceful voice like a drill sergeant (think R. Lee Ermey in Full Metal Jacket) gruffly says "Hello!" into the phone. There is a pause and then Potato hears a small voice in the background - "um Hello, may I speak to Rice?"

It was Rice's father.

Potato thinks quickly and readjusts his voice to the normal soft and soothing tone it normally is. "oh, hi, sorry about that… sure… here she is" and hands the phone to Rice who is fighting back laughter when she hears her dad's voice.

After the conversation with her dad ended, Rice just sort of smiled at Potato knowing that he was sort of embarrassed about what just happened. Potato just laughed with the realization that maybe Rice's parents were right… Potatoes can be scary!

Rice confuses shoe clerk

Rice has feet shaped like a duck, just without the webbing. They're pretty darn wide, making it practically impossible to find nice shoes at your typical shoe store or department. Though, Rice would say it is a blessing in disguise, for she has reason to believe she carries the "ImeldaMarcosTooManyShoes"-gene.

Anyway, thanks to the wonderful world of the Internet, Rice found a shoe store especially for people with wide feet, Leonard's Wide Shoes. The store has a very good selection of shoes for men and women. They are located in Las Vegas, NV.

As luck would have it, we visit Vegas about four times a year, usually staying at the MGM Grand. We like it because you don't have to drive the Strip in order to get back to the hotel. Plus, the MGM is home to the best steakhouse we've ever been to, CraftSteak.

Using GoogleMaps, we found that the shoe store is within walking distance of the MGM. Rice absolutely had to go, if not for anything, just to marvel at all the pretty shoes she could actually get her waterfowl inspired feet into. (as a side note, keep watching this blog for Potato's adventure down the Strip in 115 degree weather)

We enter the shoe store, and Rice starts trying on shoes. As with most guys, Potato browsed the shoes in the men's section, finally deciding that the smart move would just be to sit down and wait. Rice is being helped by a nice curteous gentlemen, probably in his mid-40's. She finally decides on a pair of nice heeled sandals, and Potato joins her at the cash register.

Rice : "Thank you so much for helping me. I really love your store."

Clerk : "You're very welcome...Um, can I ask you something?"

Rice : (guarded) "Uh, sure you can ask"

Clerk : "Well, it's more of a statement. You know, we see a lot of Orientals here in Vegas..."

Rice : (nodding politely, trying not to roll her eyes)

Potato : (thinking) "Dude, don't say it! Don't say it!"

Clerk : "...and well, you speak English real good!"

Potato : (flashing back to a scene from Pulp Fiction where Vince and Jules are cleaning out
the back of the Nova and Jules is saying "...I'm a mushroom cloud laying
MotherF*cker, motherf*cker, I'm Superfly TNT, I'm the Guns of the Navarone!)

Potato : (thinking) "Dude, I told you not to say it! You're on your own, I'm outta here"

Potato : (looks to see if the shoe store has a fallout shelter of some sort)

Rice : (thinking) "What are my options here? Do I put on my teacher hat a respond "Yes, I do speak English well, but you don't seem to have mastered basic grammar"? Do I call the guy a ignorant idiot? Do I spin some outlandish tale about my father working as a counterespionage agent in China, and him being fluent in seven different languages, including English?"

Rice : "Well, thanks sir. I was born in this country."

Clerk : "Really? That explains it."

Potato : (looks to see if the bomb has dropped or not) "Ready to go sweetheart?"